The Christian Man Chapter 5

Children – A dad who really makes a difference

I have one kid half-way around the world one a mission trip. I have another on the couch watching tv on her phone. Am I a good dad? The answer cannot be based on outcomes. A great dad can still have kids that do bad things. A terrible dad can still have kids who greatly improve the planet. It is not what our kids do that tells if we are good parents. It is only that we have made a difference by giving them the opportunities to make good choices.

The book presents the concept that all kids do folly. I did my fair share. My dad was around in some fashion for the first five years of my life, but only for a couple for my closest sister, and for all of the childhood (in some fashion) for my youngest sister. Each of us have a different idea of who dad was based on how he spent time with us or not. He had some say on how he spent time with us, but his choices, our mothers, and his jobs removed him from our lives in very impactful ways. For me, he seemed a great dad until the choices of my parents removed his influence. That impacted how I influenced my kids.

The book tells us our kids need to feel our whiskers, to hear our voice, to feel our touch, to smell our smell, to hear us say I love you, and to hear us say I am proud of you. I could not really remember what my dad did those first five years, but I tried hard to do all these things for my girls when they were little. According to the book, I was trying to love out the folly. To encourage my girls to do the right thing.

But the book also talks about knocking the folly out of them. And no this does not mean to beat them or to make them scared of you. It means to provide structure with consequences for actions, both good and bad. There is a balance between unconditionally loving and putting up with bad behavior. The statement is “I love you, but no you cannot……”. Not too strict, not too permissive. A set of boundaries to provide them confidence.

The book tells us to father the heart and not the performance. Hitting a homerun is not the goal. Being willing to try is the goal. We are to say no to those things that are harmful, do not jump off the roof of a tall house, and no to the things that are permanent, no you cannot turn into a boy at the age of 12. If it isn’t harmful and it isn’t permanent, do we really need to prevent it? Yes, you can jump off the short roof and yes you can dress like a boy. The author did add that if God prohibits it, we should prohibit it, and if God allows it, we should allow it. Note that this totally depends on our right relationship with God to know the difference. We cannot expect non-Christians to support our views.

The author wraps up with a to-do list. Love their mother, give discipline, spend time, pray, encourage. A father who does not love the mother is a not a good father. Our goal is not good kids or successful kids. Our goal is to provide a home where our children understand the importance of the decision to follow Christ and are provided with the opportunity to do so. We cannot do it for them, but we can lead them. We must show them how to pray, how to see and listen for the needs of others, and they must see us praying and meeting the needs of others. The can chose to be like you, so make sure they see the you that you want them to be.