Job 10:19

Had I been as though I never was,

   Carried from womb to grave,

 

My life is in turmoil. That statement has a negative connotation normally, but I feel positive that the uncertainty is opportunity rather than something negative. Maybe I need to broaden my vocabulary again. I look forward to the opportunities this new year is going to bring and hope that I can look to God to power me through whatever it is.

This verse has some power to several of its versions. Upon reading it again, I am not sure I captured that. Options for stitch a included:

• • And were as though I had been
  • If only I had never come into being
  • I would have been as though I had not been
  • Had I been as though I never was
  • I should have been as though I had not been
  • I could have been as if I never was
  • As though I had not been, I would be
  • Would I were as though I had never lived

I did not realize I matched one of the options. I read this to be Job saying “I would have preferred it if I had never been”. But that too was too weak a representation of his state. I like the version that says “As though I had not been, I would be.” Once again, I will change off my first version.

Final take: I would be as though I had never been.

Stitch B was similar across the sources with only minor variations and no lack of clarity of meaning.

When I think about how I would like it to be, I never land firmly in the “work really hard to make a lot of money” camp. I lean much more to the “sit around like a monk studying the Bible and sharing what I learn” camp. I sat on four planes this past week and said almost nothing to those around me. The multiple delays made it seem like a collective “let’s just get this over with” across the two days. But I did at least think about how to share and wrote out a Bible study on the last flight.

One of the CDs I recently replaced has songs on it that remind me of my Aggie Awakening days when I spent most of my free time supporting that effort to rekindle the desire for others to love God. I got a lot of joy out of those efforts, and I find myself wondering again if my future needs to look more like that part of my past. I know God is continually preparing me for how He intends to use me in the future, but I am far from understanding it.

My assumption of Job’s future from this point is that after God restores Job to some semblance of where he was before these events unfolded, Job continues to serve God to the best of his ability using what he learned to do it even better. From my mom’s estate, I took tons of paper, and writing utensils, and envelops, and cards with the expectation that someday God would have me use this to encourage others like I did through Aggie Awakening. I have used very little to date, but the phone, email, and other technology related options seem to be easier when time is short. I also know I will have to slow down to make my writing legible. (Can’t help others if they can’t read it.) Job was in a bad spot and wished he had not had to deal with it. I have been and will be in tough spots, but I know that God uses them to mold me for His glory. My life will never be ideal, but I can use the ideals I learn from studying God’s word to make it more than worth living.

 

(Written 1/15, Posted 1/19, Job 227)