Job 19:19

My close friends and confidants abhor me,

   Those I have loved have turned against me.

 

I was tempted to start today again with my dream, but I can’t remember any. One of the topics I like to tell people about is how I listen for God to tell me what to do. Many are incredulous that I do so. Most probably because they ask God for something they want and don’t get it. I ask for what I want, but I listen for what He wants. I realize that He talks to me a lot more than I listen and it happens in many different ways. It takes practice and desire to hear.

‘Close’ was also ‘intimate’, ‘inward’, ‘bosom’, and ‘confidante’. Not sure why I used two (friends and confidants) as everyone only used one in my sources. (Word can’t spell confidant as it is too secretive of its plans.) ‘Abhor’ was also ‘revile’, ‘detest’, and ‘despise’.

The second stitch only varied in tense.

When I think of friends, I do not typically include people from my church. Whenever I get down and think about my lack of friends, it is always these non-church friends that seem to be missing. I have experienced a pull to get more of these friends, but it always gets countered by the fact that I do not want more of these friends. If I do want more friends, it would be friends who I would study the bible with. I can always use more of those.

During this period when I have been traveling or otherwise engaged to miss weeks of Bible study on end, I have realized how important that activity is to me. The fact that I am also missing accountability during this time is making that more obviously important to me as well. It will also be great to add meeting with my mentor as positive activities during the new year. And helping out on Wednesdays should really give me a strong basis for having impactful relationships with my close friends and confidants.

I heard a new term for my condition called Irritable Male Syndrome. It is really just about men getting old and cranky as their natural testosterone levels go down. But the degradation in behavior is real. I am constantly flaring up when my body fails to do what I want or when the computer/phone doesn’t do as expected. Somehow I need to come to grips with my decline and focus on the things that I can do well and limit myself to doing the things I need steadily and the things I want that I can succeed at.

I know that God has blessed be beyond measure throughout my life, and that He will continue to do so. But I also know that it will get harder the older I get, and it will continue to be in conflict with the world as I draw near to God and the world runs from Him. I pray that I can focus on the things I can control and let God deal with whatever I cannot.

Written 12/24/25, Posted 1/14/26, Job 419/~1070