Recently I have heard a concept a couple of times. Since it is in the book I just read and am doing a series on, maybe I only saw it twice and in the same place, but it still rings true. This comes from the Chapter on Only Do What Only You Can Do and is within the part about getting help with other stuff. In a way, this activity is both something only you can do and getting others to help you. It is called making your kids do chores.
I know one kid who had to feed the dogs, keep their room clean, and take out the trash. It was not much, but I thought I had it rough. I am sure my sister had chores, but I never worried about hers. I was okay at getting the trash out as it had a deadline and was easy to see. I kept my room neat, but clean was not my forte. I should have been better at feeding the dogs, but my mom had to do that way too much.
Obviously since I could feed the dogs, it would have been better for my mom to do more important things that I could not do. I feed the cats now a lot, although I could delegate to the little kid. She however is supposed to do the litter boxes, so if that gets done everything smells better. She is also supposed to unload the silverware, so we have at least made an effort.
The author tells us that researchers found that kids who had to do chores were more successful in life overall. I am not sure the doing chores helped, but maybe just that they were in families who cared enough to have real world expectations. I often wonder how much money is wasted by having geniuses dream up research projects that totally miss real world limitations to the data and outcomes. A study of whether kids who are spanked are also successful probably comes out with the same success outcomes as doing chores (as long as the spankings were from a parent who cared rather than from abuse).
Our oldest had a chore of going through all the junk overflowing from the playroom once I moved my office upstairs. The guest room was full of junk for months (no guests during COVID) and Christmas break was the deadline. I think we ended up with six large bags of trash and a box of recycling. One thing we found was the old chore chart she used when little. It was Mickey Mouse decorated and had a list of chores for her that we paid her for each week if she completed them. It worked for a long time, but once the little one came along and had no chores, the chores went away. (About that time she also found she could not buy whatever she wanted even with her “own’ money, so maybe that had somethign to do with it.) Interestingly, the little one never seemed money motivated to do chores until computer games came along.
According to the author, chores teach kids to be responsible and to contribute; give them self-respect and social responsibility; provide a spirit of teamwork and significance, and provide a healthy work ethic and time management. I am not sure I agree.
(We really have two mechanisms for chores. Those I want them to do on their own and those I tell them to do when I want them done. If the big one empties the dishwasher on her own, then great, but if she does not, I just tell her to. It still helps me.)
They can learn all these concepts from schoolwork or sports or music or anywhere expectations are given. Doing chores or having a job as a kid does not make a successful adult. Acting like an adult when you are an adult is the only way to ensure success. I want my kids to help around the house, but I am not going to beat them or abuse them to get it done. Being prepared for tests and turning in your homework are much more important to me. Maybe I am wrong. But whether its chores or school work or anything else, it is important we give our kids love and expectations (and make sure the chores get done.)