The Christian Man – Chapter 4

Finding a New Best Friend in My Wife

One of the odd ideas displayed in the chapter was that most issues with wives could be solved if we treated them as well as we do our coworkers. It was at little odd to me. Maybe the author treats his coworkers better than I do or maybe he just does not treat his wife well. Either way, at least the other ideas in the chapter were better.

One of the aspects of dating is that people tend to put themselves lower in priority to win a partner and act differently than they will once they are married. One example could be purposely losing a tennis match. I personally wanted to be equally yoked to someone who loved me and not who I pretended to be. Granted, I was on my best behavior, but what good would it do to let her think she could beat me at tennis? I am not sure we ever played again, but I was competitive, and she needed to know. We marry strengths, but we have to live with weaknesses too.

It appears my notes are full of lists of stuff, so here goes:

• Things we have to learn to do: make adjustments, understand, synchronize, get in rhythm, establish ground rules, learn hot button and how not to push them.

 

• Things we need to do: encourage, comfort, console, resolve conflict, not control, ask for forgiveness, give forgiveness, and have fun together.

 

• More to dos for men: Provide for, protect, give life, deal with many problems, and maintain a fresh optimistic outlook.

 

• Ways to make her better: words, time, gifts, touch and service. Adjust expectations, give grace, do not pressure, and no conditions on love. Love her the way she wants to be loved.

And finally, pray for, pray with, and substitute discipline for a lack of natural interest.

It is a huge to do list. Honey do this, Honey do that. Honey do lists are great because then I know what to do. I struggle trying to find out what needs to be done. Reviewing these lists gives me inspiration, especially when I have done something wrong or not done something right.

I have never heard the “substitute discipline for a lack of natural interest” bit, but it looks like a winner. The overarching idea is that husbands are to build up the wife as Christ built up the church. Talk about a hard example to follow. Hopefully by the time the little kid leaves for college I have earned the right to be my wife’s best friend as we age.

I am not sure I added a lot, but I read this chapter on vacation away from distraction and it really had an emotional push to be better. And I end it with the most important suggestion the author made. Pray this with and for your spouse.

Father,

We said, ‘til death do us part.

We mean it.

We love you more than each other.

And each other more than anyone or anything else.

Help us bring each other into your presence today.

Make us one, like you are three in one.

We want to hear each other, cherish each other, and serve each other.

So, we both would love you more.

And bring you Glory.

Amen.