The Christian Man Chapter 6
Friendships – Finding and Keeping Godly Friends
The other week at Bible study, I challenged the group to envision their lives as mature Christians. I am not sure we had enough time for them to really think about it, but my goal was for them to realize that most of the good things we can be doing as older mature Christians, we can also be doing now. They got that, but their focus was on how the Bible study was the foundation of what they envisioned.
The first note from this chapter was that the world seeks to crush our dreams, plans, and relationships. I have noted that many of our Christian relationships tend to be seasonal, but I never made the connection that this may be the work of Satan. We have many relationships still firm from our first Sunday school class after we were married, but we also hardly see some of them. My wife has used social media to track many, but since I am not really social media savvy, I do not.
The second note was about seven issues that impact our friendships: Alone, Uncared for, No purpose, Bad behavior, Dry soul, Relationships not working, and Not making a difference. Rather than address them, I just repeat them: Alone, Uncared for, No purpose, Bad behavior, Dry soul, Relationships not working, and Not making a difference.
The third note was that we were designed for relationships, as they double our pleasure and half our sorrow. One of my hobbies is very solo, but I see others who share comradery, and I have learned that I need to add a new hobby that helps me engage with my friends. The other half of that is that we all need to have someone to share our burdens with. Even if it is only the opportunity to voice them, this is of huge benefit to our mental health.
We have watched our big kid struggle with the transition from her home of 16 years to college. She had all the same needs for friendship, but knew almost no one. We gave her all the advice we could and all the reassurance we could, but it took time for her to realize 1) God would answer her prayers, 2) the process of looking for friends would work, and 3) that you do have to initiate in order to have friends.
Over the years I have had a lot of men that I considered friends, but most of it was based on proximity and not so much on compatibility of Christian beliefs. Now as I mature I do want friends who love Jesus and seek to walk a life in service to him, but I cannot drop me other friends I have now in the process. So the main take away is that real friends want to send time looking you in the eye and hanging out. You cannot find friends closed up in your comfort zone, so get out there and initiate.