Job 7:14

You frightened me with nightmares,

   In visions, you struck me with terror.

(Written 4/13 Posted 4/23)

I saw my tax bill for the first time in months and I think this counts as terror. Not really. Taxes are a sign you actually had income. Income was up, so taxes were up. I just should have paid more along the way.

“Frightened” had alternatives of “scared”, “panicked”, and “terrorized”. Panic was a step out from the other options and I like it, but I felt the basic fright was enough. All except one source had “dreams”, but I much preferred “nightmares” to heighten the sense of panic and fear.

“Terror” had the natural alternative of “fright” from one source and interestingly another for “panic”. I felt terror was the best balance for a vision. The “struck me with terror” added a nice touch beyond the simple “you terrorize me” of many sources. One source had “visions of the night”, but I did not see the need to add that part explicitly.

I am in limbo on several work opportunities. If they all come in, I will be overloaded. The two that are most like jobs, I do not really want so that I maintain flexibility. I only hold those as options in case I hear from God to give up my flexibility. I put a job as being not faithful that God will provide, but I do not want to miss the boat (from the “I sent you a boat!” joke).

I do not really understand the characterization that God sent these terrors to Job. I understand that Job blames them on the circumstances that God has allowed him to be in, but I think they are more a personal consequence of his wavering faith that God will continue to provide. My stress yesterday was from my forgetting that God will provide. After one conversation, I knew God was still with me and I just needed to be patient and content. The world is full of terror, and I am in the world. But I am not of the world and my peace comes from my relationship with God, not with money and how to get it or how to spend it.