Job 19:27

I, myself, behold him with my own eyes

   I see Him, not another

      My heart within me is consumed with longing

 

I read in Ephesians this morning, and although it is not a new day, I am choosing to be like Paul and not look behind me, but to look only forward. I cannot fix anything I have done. Even if I could figure it all out and apologize for it to the right person, I do not need their forgiveness for myself. Just as Christ has forgiven me, so have I. Now I look forward to trying to not have anything to ask forgiveness for.

This first stitch had a variety of forms. One sounded like a question. One looked to see God on his side which could mean physically on his skin or standing beside him. The overall intent seemed clear.

The second stitch ran the gamut from being left off to some being mashed with the first and finally in a form like I used. The outcomes either confirmed that Job saw with his own eyes and not someone else’s eye or that Job saw God and not another being. I left it vague.

‘Consumes’ was also ‘faints’, ‘yearns’, ‘pines’, ‘melts’, ‘is harried’. ‘Heart’ was also ‘kidneys’ which seemed odd.

As I sit here pondering what this means, I come back to the theme that everything in our lives God allows to further sculpt us to be more Christ like. Job is obviously not in great physical shape, but if nothing else, he has learned that his redeemer lives and will testify on his behalf. I have struggled with many issues and God is slowly trimming away the issues that I had not yet realized I needed to let go of. The fun one for me was learning that sarcasm can be a sin. I used it a lot until I found out it was a sin for me. I have almost totally dropped sarcasm from my life.

Now if I could drop flour, I would really be getting somewhere. One of the gaps I deal with is wanting to separate physical issues from their spiritual aspects. I want eating to not be a spiritual issue so that I can fail without sinning. Wanting something does not make it true.

I have an aspect of my life that I want to keep doing the same thing only better. I was struggling to get what I needed from it, but I couldn’t seem to change it. I took a break and now I have started back, but it looks like I may have broken it, and I may have to go forward with something different. The goal is to find what God is calling for and not what I want. I have a lot of praying (and by that I mean listening) to do this week to see how it might move forward. I enjoyed fantasy baseball right up until God make it clear it was no longer for me. However this works out, I will know that God pushed me to make it His and not mine. That is all I seek.

 

Written 1/6/26, Posted 2/10/26, Job 457/~1070